serial-and-milk-button-225x225(Serial and Milk: Available Darkness is a serialized thriller co-written by David Wright and Sean Platt. A new chapter appears here each Friday. If you missed previous chapters, you can read them here.)

John’s hands divorced his mind as they tossed their few temporary belongings into the two duffel bags they’d stolen from the house. They would make their exodus the second the sun was swallowed by the horizon. They’d have to find a new car, of course. But how, John had no idea. He may not have known who he was, but he was fairly certain his latent memories didn’t include the ability to hotwire cars.

They would also need to swipe a license plate from another vehicle and put it on their own. He hoped that would keep them off the radar until he could figure out how to get another vehicle. John scanned the room, hoping to see a knife or something he could use as a screwdriver to remove the plates.

Finding nothing, he collapsed on the bed, acutely aware that his looming fate now rested in the tiny hands of a little girl.

Abigail had agreed to moving the car without blinking, though John suspected she had zero driving experience. Still, he figured, it wasn’t too hard to drive a few hundred feet. Parking, on the other hand, could present a bit of a problem. He imagined her crashing the car and inviting the attention of nearby police.

Part of him believed she’d be better off in the custody of the cops anyway. They would be able to help her; find her a proper home; keep her away from the walking death he obviously was.

Certainly she could share no future with him, especially not in this condition. Even if his life were entirely normal, why on Earth would he take in a child he hardly knew?

John started to circle the same question he’d been asking himself since their flight from the house the night before. Why hadn’t he just left the girl to be found by police? At the time, he’d not thought it through. Abigail was in need and he was too. He couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t fade to black the second more memories materialized. He wondered if he was being selfish to drag her along into the unknown horrors awaiting him.

He was a man without a past. The police were hunting him and at least one person had buried him alive, at least that seemed to be the case. Though he couldn’t discount the thought that seemed to constantly throb beneath all others - what if he was one of the undead?

The possibilities were endless and the implausibility of it all kept him sprawled on the bed instead of pacing the floor.

Perhaps it would be best if the police picked the girl up, he soothed himself for the hundredth time.

Still, there was something else.

There was that bridge between them, drawing them together during their first brief touch, and then again this morning when she sent one of his memories sailing straight back at and inside him. There was something bigger than the two of them at work, something that held him in place while silently instructing her to deliver the memory.

Something was guiding them, and John knew it as sure as he knew that fire’s hot and water’s wet. It didn’t have to make sense, there was understanding in the deepest recesses of his reptilian brain, scattered pieces of a puzzle strewn across a table. Some face up and some face down, but all his to piece together.

To understand how the pieces fit, he needed to see them all in one place. To put the puzzle of his life together, he needed Abigail.

puzzlepieces

___________________

Abigail craned her neck and narrowed her eyes into the side mirror. No matter how much she wanted to deny it, the cop was pulling her over.

She pressed her foot gingerly on the brake, but it wasn’t gentle enough. The car bucked forward then shuddered to a stop at the lip of the right lane.

Abigail kept her eyes fastened on the mirror but couldn’t see into the cop’s front window.

She tasted the familiar copper adrenaline in her throat as her mind spit a dozen different scenarios of flight — none remotely realistic, especially considering she lacked even a basic set of driving skills, let alone the ability to evade a police car in a high speed pursuit.

The keys in the ignition jiggled in time to the engine’s purr, both against the backbeat of her foot tapping nervously against the floorboard.

The cop was still in his car.

Was it supposed to take this long?

Suddenly, as if responding to her thought, the cop’s voice boomed over the speakers atop his light bar.

“Put your hands where I can see them and step out of the vehicle!”

Abigail was frozen, swallowed by the ambiguity of adult procedure.

The cop issued his command a second time, his voice deep, cold, emotionless. And authoritative.

Abigail released a tiny slip of a shriek as her hands fumbled with the door handle, unable to open it. Panic rose like a tide in her throat as the realization that she might be shot for not obeying the cop became as real as the bruised violet sky hazing through the smear of the windshield.

“Please don’t shoot!” she cried out, pulling down her hood to show she was merely a child.

“Hands in the air, step out of the car,” the voice echoed.

Abigail’s hands found the lock, unlocked it and opened the door slowly.

“Hands up, face away from me.”

Abigail obeyed, the world slowing to a few frames per second around her. She could feel the eyes of strangers in cars as they passed by in the middle and far lanes. She and the cop had caused the right lane traffic to stop cold.

“Walk backwards to the sound of my voice, keep your hands in the air,” the voice commanded.

Gravel and debris bit into her bare feet as she took a single tentative step back. All those eyes on them, each driver and passenger craning to get a glimpse, if only a moment, of the drama unfolding.

“Stop,” the voice said, “down on your knees.”

Abigail slowly descended to her knees, quivering like the last leaf clinging to a tree in the fall. She could feel the cop’s glare on her as he stepped from his car and started his approach. Tears streaked down her face, the salt stinging her lips.

“Hands out, palms up,” the cop said.

Abigail was confused. Why was he shouting at her? She was just a child, couldn’t he see that? She desperately wanted to reel around to show that she was not whatever villain he thought her to be. To do so, she knew, would invite him to shoot her dead on the spot.

Traffic was crawling and she could hear the angry horns from frustrated drivers, stuck a block back without a view of the action.

“Cross your legs at the ankles,” the cop said.

The officer’s instructions confused Abigail as the traffic, the eyes of the drivers and the cop’s gun all gathered velocity to meet the real time of the world around her.

Instead of obeying, Abigail tossed the dice, turned around, and asked the cop to repeat himself.

There he stood, a tall, lanky cop, swimming in his dark green uniform, most of his face hidden behind large shades and an even larger mustache. He looked young and something about him screamed inexperience, yet his hand — and the gun it held — did not waver in the slightest, taking aim directly at the small of her back.

He paused a moment, as if he were just then realizing she was not a dangerous bad guy, but in fact, a small child. He turned his mouth and said something which she could not hear into the radio at his shoulder. Then he spoke to her. Gun still drawn.

“Who else is in the car?” he asked.

“It’s just me!” Abigail cried.

The cop said something else inaudible into his radio then moved towards her door, gun aimed at the car, quickly scanning the windows for another occupant.

“Are you okay?” the cop asked. “You can put your hands down.”

“Yes,” Abigail whispered, turning to the officer for confirmation before standing. He nodded.

“What’s your name?” the cop asked as he holstered his gun and pulled out a pad and pen.

She told the truth. Meanwhile a line of cars had built up behind the cop car, waiting to merge into the middle lane which was filled with rubberneckers, slowing to a crawl as each car begged for a ticket to the show. Abigail felt naked with so many eyes on her. She started a silent plea in her head — just get it over with, she thought, do what you need to do and put me in the car.

“A lot of people are looking for you,” the cop said, “where is he?”

“Where’s who?” Abigail asked, her eyes breaking away and falling on a lightning bolt crack in the concrete by the officer’s feet.

“The man who kidnapped you.”

“I wasn’t kidnapped,” she said, looking up as a dusty gray van idled behind the cop car, unable to merge into the middle lane to go around them.

The cop could care less about the traffic jam, his attention was fixed on Abigail and going nowhere.

“Do you know where the man is now? Do you know his name?”

Abigail wasn’t sure what to say, but forced herself to raise her chin, stare into his mirrored lenses, and continue to feign ignorance.

The van got impatient and swerved violently into the middle lane cutting off a pickup truck the color of dirty milk or old chalk. The man behind the wheel of the pickup laid on the horn causing the cop to turn around just as the van pulled up alongside them. Abigail thought she heard the hum of the passenger window as it was rolled down and…

The van stopped.

The cop barely had time to grab his gun before his head exploded in a crimson river of gore.

Abigail screamed as the gunshot echoed into the forever of her future memory. Her mind registered a face in the passenger side of the van a second behind her eyes. It was wearing a black ski mask. The side panel door rolled open in a thunderous roar. Inside she saw at least three others, dressed all in black and wearing matching masks.

One of them leaped out and grabbed Abigail’s hair, yanked her forward and tossed her into the van in one violently fast movement. Something closed tight around her mouth as a strong odor snaked into her nostrils and she slipped into an icy blackness.

TO BE CONTINUED…

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emo

Note: This post serves as a counterpoint to Sean’s Monday post, The Myth of the Tortured Writer.

“There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you.” - Maya Angelou

“I am a great artist and I know it. The reason I am great is because of all the suffering I have done.” - Paul Gauguin


Unlike my partner Sean Platt, who practically farts sunshine, I am a bit old school in my writing, in that I wear my misery on my sleeve, dammit.

I am a tortured artist!

In other words, I am brooding, contemplative and insist on working in seclusion. If I didn’t think I’d look silly, I’d probably wear all black all the time because it would certainly match the mental cloud pressing down on me. It’s not that I sit and feel sorry for myself, cut myself while listening to emo music or have thoughts of suicide. It’s a different sort of torture — self torture.

It’s the never quite measuring up to the goals I have set for myself. Never being the writer I wish I could be. Not being able to tell a story to perfection.

And that falling short eats at my soul.

Sean says that writing is not a chore.

I beg to differ. Writing can be a damned difficult chore, though I will admit that it beats the hell out of busting your ass at manual labor or having a monsterous boss hovering over your shoulder berating you every weekday.

I will not say that writing is fun, though. It IS work. Though, when writing fiction, it IS fun in the early stages, when a story is still a blank canvas of possibilities. Oh, how the mind wanders over the expansive plains of fertile imagination! The feeling of turning thoughts into form is amazing, perhaps the closest thing to transcending our mortal limitations that I can imagine.

However, there comes a point when the story becomes limited by the choices you have made, when it is less fluid and it stops being joyous and more like a difficult puzzle which must be solved. During these times, I find it impossible to put down the pen in my mind. While doing routine tasks or interacting with others, my mind is almost always churning, chipping away at the problem, eager to resolve it.

It is during these times that I find myself most craving solitude and least willing to suffer those who would stop my work.

I’ve had many a friend complain that I don’t hang out more. Truth is, I don’t have much time for friends. While I enjoy unplugging and just having fun from time to time, there is work to be done. Art takes time and given that we only have a finite number of years on this planet, I MUST be incredibly selfish with my allotment.

There is a biography about the philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein subtitled The Duty of Genius which details Wittgenstein’s belief that those who are geniuses, and he included artists in this category, have a duty, an obligation, to share their gift with the world. That duty supersedes all of their own desires.

I might have subtitled the book The Burden of Genius as many, like Wittgenstein, pursue their duty to the exclusion of living normal lives. This burden has driven many artists to painful existences and could be why so many turn to drugs or other vices. There is an almost mythic romantic quality about the tortured artist which I can relate. In some way, the more an author has suffered for their work, the more their work is seeped with their hopes and dreams.

I’m not so egotistical as to believe I am a genius by any means, though. While I do feel some sense of duty of sharing these stories in me, mostly the motives are selfish.

I see my art, ironically enough, as a way to connect with others. In pushing away those closest to me, I am seeking to strengthen a connection with people I may never meet.

I don’t think that a writer HAS to suffer for their art.

Instead, I think that art attracts people who are antisocial, never quite fit in and feel a need to express themselves via other avenues. I know that’s the case with me, anyway. Perhaps this stems from a need for self validation to prove myself worthy. Perhaps it is the pleasure derived from knowing that my work extends beyond myself, making connections with people I will never know, perhaps even inspiring someone to dream up their own worlds.

So while I am miserable during half the process, there is an immense joy in achieving those connections, even if we never realize them in a tangible way. It is somewhat akin to the pains of raising a child versus the rewards.

So thank you to all those who suffer for their art. You do not suffer in vain.

Are you a tortured writer/artist? Weigh in with your thoughts on the matter in our comments below. Like this post? Please consider tweeting it.

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tortured writerIdon’t know how far back the myth of the tortured writer would have to travel to find its father, but I do wonder about its birthright and question how much harm it has done in relation to the good. I know it’s a myth that kept me from spilling ink at least two decades too long.

I believe James Joyce is the hero in the legend of the writer who retired to a secluded upstairs room in his local tavern, only to descend sometime around midnight after shunning the sun, revealing he’d just finished the single most fruitful day of writing of his entire life. After spending the daylight wrestling with his inner demons, he had finally managed to lay down that one perfect sentence.

I was in high school the first time I heard that story, still young enough to mistake conceit for cool.

Writing isn’t a chore. It can be difficult, sure, but so are most things worth doing and nearly any skill worth sharpening. Architecture, engineering, medicine, law; bowling, juggling, running, magic; all are difficult, but no one refers to those at the top as tortured. Great writing takes skill, patience and dedication, but I’ve no idea why creative writing is considered such a harrowing endeavor. That type of thinking, and its somewhat viral spread, is precisely what kept me penned from the pen for so long; an idea I explored in greater detail during my Copyblogger debut late last year.

Writing should be fun. If it isn’t, perhaps it isn’t for you. I never understood the image of the pained and tortured writer, tearing clumps from their hairline as they face the impossible foe of filling the page, pulling sentences from their minds like ore from the deepest corners of a mineshaft.

My apologies to the world’s grand population of tortured writers, but to me this thinking is a bit arrogant - as though the brilliance of a writer’s words are worthy of such agony. Perhaps I am speaking specifically to the classic inebriated writer, wasting away as they eek through insurmountable emotional agony and too many adverbs. Sure writing is difficult, but so is driving a car or walking a dog… when you’re drunk.

Perhaps those writers should try to assemble a widget when wasted and see how well their digits can dance.

It seems as though complaining about the torture of writing allows writers to place themselves on a pedestal while encouraging younger generations to either throw in the towel or genuflect at their feet. Many in this class of writers seem to view themselves as stolid soldiers in an unending army of highly dysfunctional people - each an addict to a million pats upon their ego that they endlessly pursue like withdrawn lovers, forever doomed to disappointment when they fail to receive the endless accolades their minds have imagined.

I’m a writer. I write every day of the year. Even when I have no pending client work cluttering my desk, I never allow the sun to set without the jotted thoughts of my day, for the best moments of each earthly orbit should never be abandoned. Of course I carry my own quirks and struggles. Writing isn’t always as fluid as I like, clients aren’t always as easy as I hope, and my string of successes and mountains of money are no doubt a tad late to the party. But I would never call myself tortured. Writing is expression and I’ve found myself fortunate enough, midway through my third decade, to find the pleasure of doing it for a living.

Torture is most certainly not a prerequisite of genius. It is often the tortured souls who garner the attention, but for every one of them, there are a countless number of high functioning ordinary men and woman who succeed in living off the written word because they read, write, refuse to quit, and endlessly repeat.

Creativity is a garden that only grows with nutrients in the soil and sunlight in the sky. Ideas are seeds, eager to spread and germinate deep within a fertile mind. The best method to finding your best writer is to practice your craft. Complaints not included.

The Inkwell’s resident tortured artist (and scarred side of my silver dollar) apparently has a different opinion. We’ll probably hear him get all angry on Wednesday.

Sean
Community Inkwell Community Question: Am I being a curmudgeon, or is the myth of the tortured writer a tad ridiculous?

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serial-and-milk-button-225x225(Serial and Milk: Available Darkness is a serialized thriller co-written by David Wright and Sean Platt. A new chapter appears here each Friday. If you missed previous chapters, you can read them here.)

Abigail tried to cloak her fear, but quivering limbs gave lie to the guise as she stepped from the safety of the hotel room and into the smeared tangerine sunset.

Clad in an indigo hooded jacket, draping down nearly to her knees, she hoped to adopt the disguise of a wee woman on her way to the car. Nothing to see here, folks, no siree.

A simple request from John, to move the car, but he may as well have asked her to initiate a shuttle launch. Abigail had never driven before, and the last time she was a willing passenger was before her parents died, back when she was seven. Her memories of driving with her father hazy enough to make her wonder if they were of her own invention.

Yet, when John requested she move the car, she had agreed without a flinch. What else could she say? She had to be brave for the angel who drew her from the depths of her living hell. Before leaving the room, John explained the basics of driving a car, which she committed to memory and wrote down on a piece of hotel stationery - just in case.

The parking lot was fuller than it had been the night before. That was probably a good thing, as she was far less likely to be spotted. Abigail’s mind kept moving and it was only a half second later that she realized a crowded lot also increased the odds that someone who had seen the news of her ‘abduction’ might spot her and phone the authorities. Whatever happened, she did not want to fall into the hands of the authorities or anyone assigned to protect her interests. Their previous failure had already left her with plenty of scars that had no hopes of healing.

How could a child drop off the radar in this day and age? How could she be pulled from school, locked in a dungeon and held prisoner for three years without anybody even realizing she had been stolen and sold to monsters?

The agencies designed to protect her had failed and she would not ever trust them again.

She felt safe with John. Safer than she’d felt in years, even though she knew a brush from his skin could end her in an instant.

Something happened when they briefly touched, something reason couldn’t explain. A bridge had connected them, an overpass stronger than any physical bond. Though it hardly seemed possible, she felt as if she’d known John a lifetime already - this thing that had entered her life in an eruption of death and mayhem not even 24 hours ago. She hadn’t seen all his memories, only glimpses, but it was enough to know he could be trusted. He would fortify her against whatever fury the world had lying in wait.

As Abigail neared their vehicle, parked about 90 yards from their room, a family of four spilled from a dusty minivan.

A boy and girl, both younger than six, first looked at her with a passing glance before they locked their glance into a stare. Their mother, a heavyset woman with a skittish expression also gazed at her a second before rushing the kids to grab their stuff and then quickly closing the gate. The mother stole a second glance at Abigail, but Abigail broke the stare, pointed her nose at the concrete, and kept walking towards the car.

She thought the woman was still looking at her, perhaps silently wondering, “is that her - the missing girl?”

Abigail’s heart gathered a few extra beats as she approached the stolen car. She considered passing it, suddenly certain the family recognized her as The Child, and was now scrutinizing her every move. Just as she reached the car’s bumper, she turned right, opened the car door and climbed inside.

She slid back in the front seat, craned her neck, glanced in the rearview mirror and saw the family was not watching her after all. She exhaled with bottomless breath she hadn’t even known she was holding.

Abigail retrieved the instructions from her pocket, unfolded them and started to read. She reached down and pulled the seat up as far as it would go, leaned close to the wheel and stretched her bare feet down to touch a gas pedal that felt half frozen against her foot. She inserted the key into the ignition, whispered a silent prayer to a God she knew had long ago stopped listening (if he had ever lent her an ear at all) and turned the key as her heart slid to the bottom of her chest.

The car lurched backward before her foot found the break, then stopped with a sharp shudder, throwing her like a rag doll against the cracked leather seat.

Her eyes flitted across the windshield nervously as she tried to determine whether or not she had gathered attention, but the parking lot was deserted. She slowly backed up before sliding the car into “Drive” and edged towards the lip of the parking lot.

The highway was busy, so she waited for a lull, praying nobody would drive up behind her or worse, that a cop would drive past.

She spotted a break in traffic, just enough to get out quickly and make a sharp right.

Turning the wheel rapidly in her hands, she misjudged her speed and the car veered violently into the next lane.

Abigail looked up just in time to see a red truck barreling towards her in the same lane. She was helpless, spinning the wheel faster until the car corrected, then over corrected and bounced up on the sidewalk and then back to the road again with a thud. A horn blasted as the truck jerked left and into the far lane missing her by barely the breath that was trapped inside her throat.

Once in the correct lane, Abigail slowed the car to a speed that was far from the tempo of the heart that was thudding against her chest. The shopping center was barely a block away, nothing between it and her other than a squat flat gas station. She would turn right, park the car and run back to the hotel as fast as her scrawny legs would carry her.

Just as she passed the gas station, she heard the unmistakable sound of a siren, looked up and saw the flash of the cop car’s light bar.

She froze, her foot still on the pedal, driving slowly, and hoping the cop was really just wanting her to move out of the way so it could chase down somebody else.

The cop’s siren blurted in a hiccup, followed by a man’s voice crackling gravel through a speaker.

“Pull over.”

TO BE CONTINUED…

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child-watching-tv

No, the title isn’t in reference to the criticism of religion but rather that glowing opiate of the masses, television.

I was once a TV junkie. A junkie with good taste, not one of those monosyllabic couch potatoes that considers Jerry Springer ‘Must See TV’. But I was an addict, nonetheless. I had favorite shows for every night, my DVR was packed with more programs than I could watch. My knowledge of the TV schedule was encyclopedic in scope.

Then last year we decided that spending $140 plus a month for internet and cable was too much. We canceled the cable, opting instead for the very minimum offered - local channels for about $15 a month.

And though I never would have suspected it, I hardly miss cable TV. I’ve learned to make do with local broadcast TV, coming to appreciate our local PBS offerings. Though daytime TV is still a barren wasteland all across the dial - especially on the weekends.

Then two weeks ago, something odd happened.

My sister-in-law and her four daughters visited. She is a bit strict in what she allows her kids to watch (in other words, none of the good shows). Since most of the networks are in repeats anyway, I didn’t mind. I simply turned the TV off. And it has hardly come on since.

Yes, I’ve gone nearly two weeks without any TV.

There are times I tuned in to catch Conan or Ferguson on the late night talk shows and I did watch the NBA finals (I am still a man!), but for the most part, my TV screen has been a blank gray square. DVDs I borrowed from the library have even gone unwatched. I’ve simply been busy doing other stuff. I’ve found more time to read and more importantly, more time to create.

You see, I’m usually most creative when I’m bored. For example, I must’ve written 2,000 stories during high school Algebra. Turning off the TV prompts me to fill the silence and void with my own creative energies.

Turning off the TV has:

  • given me more time to do constructive things
  • inspired my creative brain
  • lightened my mood - a constant stream of negative news starts to wear on you after a while

Turning off the TV has been a very liberating experience creatively speaking. I’ll be interested in seeing if this air of newfound freedom continues to blow when the fall season and all my favorite shows return. I suspect that it will because I am enjoying the taste of freedom from the oppressive stream of media.

Community Question: What shackles are restricting your creative freedom? How will you break free?

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