I’m No Hugh Howey

So a while ago, Hugh Howey did a dance video when he reached 100 reviews for a little book you might of heard of called Wool.

While our series Yesterday’s Gone: Season One has more than 600 something reviews (thanks, Goners!), WhiteSpace: Season One was taking F O R E V E R to get to 100 reviews, so I took a page from Hugh, and decided I’d bribe our readers with some sexy dance moves.

I said that once WhiteSpace: Season One got 100 reviews, I’d make an ass out of myself to the song they chose.

They chose Thrift Shop by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.

And then many months passed.

I thought maybe people had forgotten. And I was relieved, as I hate dancing. Namely because I suck at it, and I’m a big giant fat guy with the grace of an elephant… an elephant with broken legs.

Then last week, Donald Wells emailed me to say, “Hey, I left the 100th review! You owe me a dance.”

Bastard!

Er, I mean, thank you, Donald.

I emailed Donald back, may have called him a bastard, and he said not to worry, he wouldn’t hold me to it.

I said, no, I promised to make an ass of myself, and…

An ass I do make of myself.

So, here you go, Donald, and everyone else who left a review.

Before you watch, I should warn you: when I showed this video to my wife, she stared at it through closed fingers like you would a car accident, scary movie, or natural disaster. Frankly, I think this is worse than all three of those combined.

This is painful to put out there, but when I promise to make an ass of myself, I stick to it!

Enjoy.

  • Roger Mackenzie

    Man that was pathetic! Even the Snoopy Dog behind you looks completely embarrassed. Perhaps when you make these deals in the future; you will do something that doesn’t hurt your followers. My eyes, will never be the same! Dammit!!!!

  • J4N3M3

    good thing you’re better at writing 😀

    • Thanks. Though, to be fair, even a monkey could write better than the writing equivalent of this dance.

  • panangler

    My sympathies to your wife…and anyone else who witnesses this…sight.

    • Yes, I expect a “Dear John” letter soon. And a National Day of Silence.

  • E.S. Wesley

    Oh, Dave…hold up…Can I help you get 100 reviews on the next book so that you WON’T dance?

    • THAT might get reviews faster! Great idea. I’ll threaten the readers. If you don’t review, I WILL do another one, so help me God.

  • Well, I loved it.

    • Thanks, Iain. You may want to check your medication doses, though.

  • And they say Boricio is the most disturbing thing CI’s every created… That was awesome!

    • Thanks, Jacob. So, to confirm, you’re saying this is MORE disturbing than the necrophilia scene in Season Two?

      • Apples and oranges, my friend. Apples and oranges. And I still think that Spidey display in the background is super awesome.

        I was disappointed when you didn’t lip sync the whole song, though. But I’ll give you an A for effort.

        • Yeah, I was trying to find the balance between dancing and just lip syncing the whole thing. And, oh yeah, trying not to run out of breath.

  • Beth Morgan

    Mmm in england thats not wot we wd call dancing! But bless u 4 trying. R u in the middle of decorating by the way?!

    • Yes, I was in the middle of moving my office around again. I do it once a week or so, trying to find the right layout for me.

  • Katie Ousseini

    It wasn’t that bad! Next time you should twerk!

    • Yes, and I’ll do it to “Wrecking Ball” just to make it even weirder.

  • Mikey Campling

    Surprisingly light on your feet Mr Wright – or do I have to call you DW now?

    • I actually did two dances, with the second one being better (well, for me, anyway), but the video was all messed up on take two. And at that point, I was fairly certain a third dance would give me a heart attack, so I had to stop while I was ahead.

  • Neil Latham

    What would snoopy do? He looks flaked out and chillin!

    • He was in the fetal position with his eyes closed, saying, “Please bring me back to Daisy Hill Puppy Farm.”

  • Elizabeth Phillips

    Pssssst Dave……don’t quit your day (writing) job…..pleeeaaaasssseeeee!

    • Well, it was this or go back to my career as a male stripper.

  • Carl Sinclair

    wow….I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

    • In Australia that’s the first move in courting rituals, right?

  • joco953

    Gotta love a man who keeps his promises even if the results aren’t pretty. Thanks, but stick to writing. Bright side, for you, is that you now have something to threaten with…that video. Add some eyelid clamps and you’re in business.

    • If someone out there wants to edit this into a clip from Clockwork Orange… Thanks, joco953.

  • Tim

    That was great, Dave. Thanks for the laughs. So, what’s the next milestone?

    • Thanks, Tim. 500 reviews and I do the dance naked.

      No. Not really. Not sure what the next threshold is. Maybe 1000 reviews on Yesterday’s Gone. What do YOU think I should do for that milestone? I mean, it’s all pretty much uphill from here, right?

      • Tim

        How about 100 reviews on ForNevermore Season 1 or Available Darkness Season 1? Or when What Would Boricio Do hits 100 reviews do something he would do. That could be funny.

        Or when all your books reach 100 reviews, you guys do something really big and crazy (no idea what).

        Also, why isn’t Sean’s book Penny To A Million available in ebook format? If you guys have discussed this just drop me a link. Gracias.

  • Tim

    By the way, cool posters (paintings?) in the background.

    • Thanks. They are Marvel room dividers, canvas on wood frames. Can find them, and lots of others, on Amazon.

  • Valerie

    Haters gonna hate! This was awesome! Go Dave Go! Dance like no one’s watching! Dave didn’t choose the thug life; the thug life chose him!

  • Xavier Granville

    This is amazing. The wait was sooo worth it.

    • I’m waiting for the Canadian holiday in honor of this tragedy.

  • Michelle Grogan

    Loved it!!!

  • Brent Arnold

    A bag of kittens trying to escape?

    An epileptic ghost?

    Something to do with ObamaCare?

    Things David is pantomiming on camera…

    • YES! Finally, someone gets the true meaning of my performance ART! Thank you, kind sir.

  • Donna Dubert

    I love Snoopy sitting behind you. Don’t give up your day job yet though.

    • At one point, I think Snoopy was using his ears to cover his eyes.

      • Donna Dubert

        I loved it really!

  • I love the fact that you kept to your word, Mr. Wright. You made a promise, you stuck to it, and my respect for you went up. You got the moves (not quite like Jagger, but moves nonetheless). Dance like nobody is watching, man! Good on you!

    • Thanks, Mark. I made a threat, and I stuck to it. Er, I mean promise.

  • Brian D. Meeks

    This was a huge cup of awesome with a side of bacon. I love it. Your moves are WAY better than mine. Well done.

  • Dojers

    Well, you may not be the best dancer in the world but you ain’t the worst (that’d be me). But I agree with the others – while I did like your dance – stick to your day job. At least now we know where Boricio came from……

  • Jackie Clark

    That is a lot more scary than any of your books lol

  • beautiful work

  • Trish McCallan

    OMG hahahhhhahhahhhha (wheezing) hahahhahahhhhhha (catching my breath) hahhahahhahhahhahha That was awesome. And kudos to you for keeping your word, even when you hated doing it. 🙂

  • Houston Keys

    Dave you are my new Hero. Dance, Dance Revolution needs to come out with the Dave Wright version!

    • Yes, just what the franchise needs! Are you listening, DDR execs?

  • Ari Lessiers

    cutest!!! however they should have chosen a more ‘happy song’

    • Um, for Dave, that IS happy?

      • Yeah, this is about as happy a song as I have on my computer, save for the Lego song, “Everything is Awesome” which I listen to ironically as I muse on things I hate.

  • cbj1958

    That wasn’t so bad. Should have show a little more boodie though! 🙂

  • Carl Sinclair

    This is the Birdemic of dance videos.

  • Beth Morgan

    Does that mean you wd have to where a thong!

  • Sonya

    Oh… you rock!! Love it, made me laugh. Keep up the awesome writing!!

  • And this is why Dave is my hero.

  • Go Dave!

  • MichelleGillies

    Where is the footwork? Dancing implies footwork?
    You are a good sport and for the record this is definitely not the most embarrassing video out there. Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has much more embarrassing videos available to the public.

  • How about a strip tease for 200 reviews?

  • Dave needed a decoy dancer.

  • RIP my sides.

  • Brandy Chap

    Oh, I love it. Thanks for making my day. Now get back to writing!!!!!

  • Joe Barlow

    I’m pretty sure this is a decoy dance video. But it’s awesome. Well done, Dave!

  • I got a dolla baby!

  • I like it!

  • Hugh B. Long

    Thank the gods I love your prose, brother!