Comments on: Available Darkness: Chapter 24

By: Sean

Sean — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 20:07:00 +0000

I LOVED this chapter. David did some amazing work with this one. Definitely not an easy scene to write, but it has all the nuance to make the reader believe. Totally different than all the rest, but one of my favorites so far.

By: David Wright

David Wright — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 05:31:14 +0000

Michelle – Awesome. The cigarette companies are secretly paying us, ya know. And thank you for your comments, that is exactly what we were aiming for.

Trina – Thank you. We definitely wanted to convey the importance of touch and the duality of his touch in particular.

The Bug – Too short? It’s 1400 plus words! I’m always afraid whenever it goes past 1,000 words, that we are testing the patience of readers. The light was something that came up in Sean’s edit. When I was editing again, I thought maybe it should have been brightness, but given the time and the fact that he is in Vegas at the moment, I let it go. Plus, I like it, also.

By: The Bug

The Bug — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 00:03:25 +0000

My only complaint is that it’s too short! Not that the scenes needed to be drawn out more, but I’m a little on the impatient side – I’m the kind of person who reads books quickly. Serial work is killing me! Sigh.

I hesitate to mention it – because it might not be a mistake – & actually I like it the way it is because it’s very poetic, but just in case it’s not what you intended – in the sentence: “Jack could do nothing about the bright that spilled into the memory of his sleep” – did you mean to say bright light, or light?

By: Trina

Trina — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 21:08:37 +0000

Enjoyed the contrast of the two `memories`. To describe what touch means to John in this context is a great contrast to what touch does to him…

By: Michelle

Michelle — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 18:41:10 +0000

Well Gentlemen, you did not disappoint.
I had this uncanny need to light up a cigarette …unfortunately I quit in 1992. Your portrayal of this intimate moment was really well done. The playful nature that often accompanies close couples while indulging was spot on (insecurities and all). This spoke volumes to the true nature of their relationship as opposed to being just sex partners.
Looking forward to next week.
M

By: Dave and Sean

Dave and Sean — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 18:18:05 +0000

Author’s Notes: This chapter took longer than several others combined. This is the first time we’re broaching sex and romance, areas it’s very easy to miss the mark. There’s a challenge in use of language, you don’t want to be too coarse but you want to be honest to the story. There was also some difficulty in striking the exact mood we’re going for. I feel that we got it right and that it reads powerfully, but only you, the reader, can tell us if we got it right.

As for last week’s problem, the confusion over Jack Baldwin and the dream (as mentioned in last week’s notes and comments), I think by positioning Jack’s waking up from the dream immediately after the dream itself will serve as a reminder to anyone who had forgotten his first name. Thank you for the comments last week, we will consider them during the editing stage, though part of me is reluctant to change either of the character’s names.

Feel free to comment or email us with any thoughts or questions.

As always, thank you for reading,
David Wright